Living Abroad and Cultural Differences

People have made comments to me in reference to living abroad and traveling that seem to insinuate that it’s the greatest thing in the world and nothing but fun and games. The reason I travel is not that it’s super fun or carefree or makes me feel good all the time, though at times, those are ideas to describe it and I can find countless more colorful adjectives to describe the experiences I’ve had. I feel like I have lifetimes of beautiful memories, good times and interesting happenings to tell about from my travels. However, quite often traveling or living abroad is hard as hell, with trials and tribulations that come on a daily basis. Sometimes it is down-right uncomfortable, infuriating and impossible (Some days I just want to stay in bed, cry my eyes out and think about being home for the day!). That is one big fat lesson I’ve learned from all my years traveling and more recently, living abroad. It can be lonely, destitute and scary as hell. It challenges every single idea of what’s right and wrong, of who you are as a person and what you think you are meant to do in the world. But these are the things that make people grow and gain understanding of life, humanity and oneself on a completely different level than just staying in one place for an extended period of time/your whole life. That is why I do it—but also because stepping through my own fear is one of my life’s goals. Hence, the reason I haven't written in a while is that I have been a bit down and trying to adjust to this new environment.

That being said, cultural differences are so extreme sometimes that the reasons behind certain behavior can be a total mystery and totally unbelievable to a foreigner. Sometimes it can take days, weeks or months to figure out why people do what they do and say what they say. Sometimes it’s even hard to respect the difference because it is the exact opposite of what you were raised to believe is acceptable in your own culture! When I was in Tanzania and Mozambique, I came across probably the most extreme cultural differences that I have seen with my own eyes. There are many things I do not understand and will never understand. There are many things that I respect beyond belief and wish was part of my own culture, whatever that even is. Colombia as well has some extreme cultural differences that I am currently trying to figure out. Some of those differences have to do with manners, courtesy and privacy mostly. It’s hard to gage what’s rude or unacceptable socially, even after 3 months of being here. Here, what in the USA, we would call "flirting" is totally acceptable behavior and good manners, if you will. I ask, what then is "flirting" here? I am told, it's asking someone out or asking someone to do something intimate with you. Interesting...so where's the pre-relation dance that we so fondly call flirting in the USA? Why isn't there anything in between? When I spent time with the Maasai in Tanzania, we spent time mostly with the men because they seemed to be more free to do whatever they wanted in comparison to the women, who were busting ass, working all day. No sign of any western-style "flirting" of any kind was going on...they were just “nice” and super interested in us--extremely curious, but in a child-like way. It seemed that some had never had contact with any foreigners. I never was able to ask, how the Maasai flirt, but damn, would I love to know. Another example, in Bolivia, I noticed quickly that the indigenous people never "flirted", in the more western-style way that is, and not in comparison to the more hispanicized population. Fascinating...

There are many things I love about the culture here, like the multi-racial mix of people where many cultures have been incorporated into one mono-culture. However, it seems to have taken a modern turn and sometimes I see few signs of the indigenous cultures left over, unlike places like Bolivia. Much of the food is amazing and I’m super impressed by how many local foods people consume. I love the festive nature of the people here—it’s great! They are not afraid to celebrate into the night and next day, dancing and partying in the streets and renting huge farms for family and friends to come eat, drink and dance. They are also very proud of their culture and want to share it with you as a foreigner, which is very open and nice. They are also extremely affectionate, which I appreciate to a certain extent. Colombian people are extremely nice when they meet you, saying all kinds of nice things and complementing you, etc. I have also been snubbed right to my face, in what we could call, rude behavior, by mostly women, but also some men and truly wonder, why is this, when it seems to not be socially acceptable? Maybe because mean people are everywhere, regardless of country or culture. I think also I have been snubbed here because Colombia is a bit isolated from the rest of the world because of its internal problems as well as it being so difficult to get a visa to leave. I believe that people fear what they don't know and sometimes act irrationally. One thing I’ve noticed quite quickly concerns female-male relations here. Sexuality and sensuality are huge here and it plays into everyday, public life. For example, some women tend to constantly cater to the sexuality of men, even in environments that would to people in my culture, seem totally inappropriate, like work or school or a hospital, etc. I’ve seen right before my eyes, women putting on a kind of ritualistic show for the men in their company, but when the men leave, they turn it off as if flipping a switch to “off”. It’s blatant and almost humorous to see and I wonder if they even realize how quickly they turn it off when the men leave. I’ve also see this type of behavior quite exaggerated on TV programs or movies. The men respond to it obviously and all this goes on unabated regardless if the people are in relationships or are present with their partners or children or grandmothers or superiors, etc. I think in the USA, this is all more of a private thing that goes on more subtly or not as flamboyantly. In Sweden, it seems to barely go on at all in public, or maybe more in the way of how one dresses, or totally behind closed doors, or when one is completely intoxicated. I’m not sure what else to say about this.

Another interesting thing is privacy. Family here is the most important thing there is, which I love but am not used to, unfortunately. Families live together, like grown adults with parents, due to religious ideals, financial issues, convenience and because they want to! What I have noticed is that there is very little "privacy" among people living together--"privacy" referring to what I know from the USA and Sweden. People may not knock when they enter your room and just enter or try to help you with any random mundane task you need to perform (that one person could probably do more efficiently than two), instead of just letting you alone to do it on your own. From my limited experience here, many household chores are done in a group or family members try to help the others with everything that they are doing, all the time. This is quite different than from coming from a place where it is much more individualistic and people do things by themselves and are almost offended if someone tries to help them because maybe they think that that person is insulting their intelligence by helping them with something that they "don't need help with". Also, unmarried adults live with their parents normally, as happens in so many parts of the world. This is quite different as well and causes certain behavior that I consider to be quite bizarre at times. For example, for some people, it causes them to lack the experience needed to take care of themselves fully, like by being able to cook, clean, etc. Also, I am a firm believer in living with your partner before marrying them. It is a great way to find out who that person really is. Here, people may lack that type of experience, which can be quite valuable. But this doesn't necessarily mean anything, it's just my opinion. In the end, I do appreciate very much the family-support and togetherness people show here. It's commendable and people elsewhere should learn from this. In Tanzania and Mozambique, I saw a variant of this, but people there seem to accept all the members of their community as their own family and treat them as such. I'll never forget being in a bar with a friend in Zanzibar and watching a woman pass around her new-born infant to a different, random person every 20 minutes or so, then leaving for a while, coming back, then giving the baby to someone else to watch and leaving again. Believe she gave me her baby as well for a while as she went on whatever adventure it was that she was on. The baby never even cried. Unbelievable! Children there seemed to be the responsibility of everyone in the community, all the time. Totally and completely different to the USA or Sweden...if a stranger was trying to help someone's child in the USA, it would not be viewed as a great thing and sometimes even grounds to call the police! Sweden is hard to gage, my personal experience says that it’s even more extreme on the individualism-side of things.
I try to be as understanding as I possibly can be, living or traveling abroad. Sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s not. I have huge respect for other cultures and truly believe in my heart and soul that there is room for everyone in this world. I think it’s so sad how many cultures and languages disappear, and at what a fast rate globalization is turning many people in the world towards being part of a modern-day mono-culture. Sometimes, ideas and views of cultural differences are grounds for people to feel upset or offended. And though I feel quite uncomfortable posting this, I am posting it anyway. I toned it down the best way I could to try to give my view and opinion but not be too offensive to anyone…let me know what you think!